Cut Some Slack for Mother’s Day
Woo Hoo! It’s Mother’s Day!!! Time to celebrate being a mom…. right? Thing is… this day conjures up all sorts of odd emotions and I think we need to acknowledge a few.
Mother’s Day can be especially hard for those who have a deep yearning to become a mother in the natural sense, but for some reason it’s not happened… yet… or ever. Maybe it’s Sally who hasn’t met Mr. Right yet… or Mr. Right is by her side, but Mother Nature is not cooperating with conception… and sex has turned into a timed event and ever-present ‘job’. Maybe it’s Julie who is petrified of her positive pregnancy test result because of prior miscarriages. Or, Bethany who isn’t sure if her teen pregnancy is a blessing…. and feeling the overwhelming weight of a decision that must be made… and the politicians who are looking to strip away her choice.
I think of Mothers who have lost their children through sickness… either having sat through years of hospital visits and surgeries; or the mom who only got to hold her baby for a precious few hours before time ran out. I think of the mom whose child ended their own life. I can only imagine how difficult Mother’s Day is for those women. Torn between remembering the loving times with their child and the gut-wrenching loss of life. Makes me tear up typing this post. You are all on my mind and in my prayers.
There are the women who made the near impossible decision to terminate a pregnancy. No two women are the same as are neither two conceptions… or pregnancies. Mother’s Day can be a day full of self-reflection, guilt… or relief. There is no judgement here… only silently support the women who make the toughest decision of all. You do you, sweetie…. do what’s right for you and your body. I pray that you are surrounded with peace and unconditional support.
How about the young mothers out there who are winging it… flying by the seat of their pants and trying to do it all, be everything to everyone, thinking that somehow they have to be perfect… and never feeling good enough. The stress we put on ourselves as we figure out what it means to be a mom is ridiculous! It can be overwhelming, debilitating, defeating… and amazing all at the same time.
Then, I think about the single dads out there navigating ‘mom things’. The dad who studies YouTube videos how to French braid hair. Or, the dad wrestling how to support his young daughter through her first period… her first boyfriend, her first kiss, first breakup… and maybe her first STD. I honor those single dads who don’t shy away from stepping up and doing all they can to fill the void. Props you!
For me, I’ve beaten myself up enough having been a single mother from when my daughter was 6 months old, and my son was two. Their father was in the picture… we got along OK… the kids were always happy going to Dad’s and happy to come home… we could both go to school functions, sit together and were friendly. For a divorced couple, I think we did our kids a huge solid by being friendly. HIGHLY recommend it every divorced couple… put your shit aside for the kids… and REALLY put it aside. You’ll be glad you did… and so will they.
I had one huge regret though… that my children did not grow up in a household that demonstrated a healthy marriage. I worry that my children will not have that experience to fall back on as they navigate their own relationships. But… and this is a big but…. what I DID give them was the gift of a peaceful home. One free of two parents angry and fighting with each other, staying together for the sake of the kids and screwing them up at the same time. My kids learned self-reliance… they are strong, self-sufficient, creative and resilient. They are amazing… and I am proud. Both of my kids went to college… the first of our family. When my youngest graduated college I literally felt a weight lift. They had the stepping stone I had not… I felt ensuring they got through college was the best start I could help them achieve. After the were both out of college, I was blessed to meet a wonderful man who complements me on so many levels. Both my son and daughter walked me down the aisle at our wedding in May 2020… COVID-style. I am truly blessed beyond measure.
So, wherever you are in your journey… whether you are a mother, yearn to be a mother… or have no yearning, but have a mother (don’t we all), I wish you a day that fulfills everything you need from Mother’s Day.
