Momma Bear’s Gone Too Far
I think the Momma Bear thing has gone a bit too far. The other day I head of a mom rushing to the aid of her adult child who was feeling picked on because someone didn’t respond to a text message. Said (adult) child was distraught, having created a story in her head that had the offending texter was angry with her and plotting horrible offences against her. Mom soothed her daughter with a slew of co-dependent babble…. poor baby, she’s a bad friend, how dare she treat you like this, I’ll take care of her, you just wait and see.
Sitting back watching this from the sidelines I wanted to laugh because of how absurd the whole thing had become… but, actually, it was a very sad situation. The offended ‘child’ was 27 years old!
What could have been resolved by 1) not getting her panties in a wad, 2) not jumping to conclusions, 3) picking up the dang phone and calling her friend to see if she was OK…. had escalated into a full-on catastrophe with mom jumping in to “protect” her child from this horrible person who, as it turned out, forgot her phone at home and didn’t even know there was a message waiting.
This adult child couldn’t handle the simplest of situations… she immediately called in her ‘Momma Bear’ who was all too eager to jump in to shield her baby girl from the horrors of the world.
Oh, my goodness…. who has the time and energy to make such mountains out of molehills?
Enter the pop culture Momma Bear badge of honor some women are all too proud to flount.
Yes, a momma bear is crazy fierce to protect her cubs when they are babies; she wants to ensure they are alive and well. But the momma bear is also the teacher, raising her cubs to fend for themselves before sending them into the wild before their 2nd birthday.
I have observed a self-proclaimed momma bear "rushing to the aid" of her child to intervene. From trying to fix a speeding ticket (when your kid was driving 100mph in a 55mph speed zone to just see how it felt) to taking on the institution when the child receives a failing mark on a test (Mom did his homework for him and he never lifted a book to study). Parents shouting at the coach because Sally didn't get her fair share of playing time (when Sally isn't cut out for soccer... and if you asked her, maybe she would be happier with a paintbrush and easel).
By overprotecting and not letting kids figure things out on their own, parents are actually stunting their maturity and crippling their ability to become healthy adults.
While I’m not perfect, some of my most proud moments come when I see one of my kids look a challenge square in the face and take it head on. Sure, if they ask for my advice, I'll be happy to talk it through, but I won't grab the reins from them. Maybe they'll do well, or maybe they'll fall flat on their face... but it's often in the failures that the best lessons are learned, and the successes are all the more special. Sure, it hurts my heart when I see one of my kids learn a hard lesson and I will absolutely be there to support them through picking up the pieces... but I know my place... and my place is not in the driver's seat of my adult child's life.
I would love to see a new tide turn... one that has parents protecting their young... but also teaches them to be strong and resourceful... and then get the heck out of their way to take on life.
